And so it started, I went to the hospitals head of teaching like the nice sweet girl im supposed to be and introduced myself and told her the hospitals I've worked in and just how eager to learn I am, and the woman switched my nigth shift to weekends shift. Wich is kind of awful for weekends is when I see my boyfriend, go out with my family a bit and see friends, so I basically freaked out and accepted (not that I was giving much of a choice) and of course decided to change it after a couple of weeks. Somehow I managed to end up owing one night turn, wich I had to pay back last thursday, and then asisted punctualy and smily to my weekend shift (saturday and sunday 8am-8pm).
I got a say, this tiny little hospital is everything that I expected and more, on a very scary sort of a way, for instance the attendings working there are very good doctors who care for the patients as human beings and not just as numbers, which I adore, on the down part, we had working just one lab study, which basically sucks and more patients than doctors or beds for that matter. In my nigth shift on thursday I ended up un ER and the staff consisted of one attending, one nurse and me. The doctor took me in for every consult, and starting asking me questions bout diagnosis and treatment all infront of the freaking out patients who really looked like "Is she really the one thats ona heal me?" any way, after the first couple of patientes when my brain managed to register what I was supposed to be doing, I actually started to get my answers rigth. Anyway, I guess I had medical experience that I had never had, as I was really used to better hospitals where med students are nothing more than little "get my a soda please" dwarfs that do as they are told ask questions if their lucky and never get to answer a thing or give an opinion. But more importantly I had loads of human expiriences I never had living in my little girl pink cristal ball. Sure I had seen illnesses and dead and really really bad stuff happening to really nice people, just when you work with really poor people that have no insurance and can bearly afford the medicine we need them to buy, and have absolutly no education is way different.between the 3 shifts I have been there I saw no less than 30 preagnant girls most of tem under 24 (at least half under 18) and bearing ther third of four child and activly refusing to have the "no more kids" surgery we offer for free after a c section and for like 25 bucks after a normal birth. I also saw 2 suicide attemps (one for real and one the classical call for attencion), a couple of really nasty car crash, more drunken people I even want to think about, and a few unattended injured children. And that without even talking bout the usual stuff. I think what really got the best of me was the first suicide attemp I had seen in my life, a 14 year old child who took in as many pills as he could find, and really meant to do it. Its easy to tell the difference between a call for attention and a real attemp when you know a little bit about it and this one was for real. It really shocked me, I was honestly trying get him to talk to me cause I had the feeling that no matter how much we did to his body, if we couldnt make a connection with him, he would just go out and try again. After bout 20 minuts of asking him any kind of questions, and of going from really nice to kind of agresive ones, I started to really paniked and texted my mother for help and advise, (at 5:35 in the morning mind you) so after she actually woke up and answer, I just told him that he had survived for a reason and he should really try and find out his mission in live and that it was his choice to be happy and good or just go ahead with the world and be sad and agresive and bad, and that I really hoped some day I could find him in the street having go over all of it and find a way to be happy. And as of course he was in such state of shock and frustration he didnt answer or made any saign of having heard what I had told him, I just holded his hand and stayed there holing it for the last couple of hours of my shift. he piuked on me once, and that sort of wasnt nice, but I was just so frustrated for not bein able to do anything else that I just couldnt move, a couple of more patients arrive, but the attending alouded me to stay with him as long as I wanted, and then when it was the time for his parents to come in he called me to write his chart. When my mom picked me up (she refuses to let me drive after an uncall nigth if she can help it) I just went back to say good by to him, holded his hand one last time and for the first time he aknowledge my precense by holding my hand harder and sort of moved his finger over mine. Well it wasnt much but it was something and thats as much as I could expect. In the hospital I prevously practiced on they would have just ask me to move on with my chores and get over it, in here they where eager for anything to be done to try and help him and that is one of the thinks I love from here. Let me tell you something here: it is one think to try and save lifes of those eager to live and a very different thing to try and convice someone who doesnt that figthing is worth the while.The second suicisidal came on saturday afternoon and she was so evidently an attention caller that it was irritating, she came in really high after inyecting herself a dogs sedant (vet student she is) that we use in lab practices, and that would obviously wouldnt do the job so of course while giving her family a heart attact she knew very well what she was doing and came in crying outlloud that she didnt want to liive any more because some carlos guy had left her and of course the family got the guy in (against all medical advices mind you) and the poor 17 year old really freaked out fella told her he loved her and that he wanted to be with her for ever. It was infuriating. See, the problem with this attention callers is that if you give them what the want, they just keep pulling stuff like this until some time they make a mistake and actually get themselfs killed. But what can I say? family make the final call.On the other hand by sunday afternoon we had so much work that I was actually giving counsult and prescribing meds all on my own, of course the attending had to check and sign my diagnoses and prescripctions before I gave them, but still. Im not just so sure how good it is for the patients, but Im learning a lot and still I have a doctor behind preventing me to kill some one or something like that which gives me peace of mind and allows us to treat people quicker and they all seem so happy about it that at the end of the day I found my self feeling like a real doctor: happy, kind of grumpy, full of responsability, explaining stuff I new well on terms even I couldnt entirely get and then succesfuly rephrasing into something patient could understand, and above all really, really, REALLY tired.Anyway I went today to talk to the head of teaching cause my mates from the university finally decided they should and so our shifts should be made functional for everybody, so I caugth my chance and whent back to the nigth shift on monday wensday and friday. So Today (wensday) is my birthday, and I will be uncall and well under my coat by 8pm. hurayyyyyy, say goodbye to any nigth celebration, anyway Its not that bad cause my boyfriend also happens to be uncall today (all day and nigth and next day) and so at least I will be busy enough to keep my head of that fact. Good think I celebrated 2 weeks early.
realmente no se muy bn pq escribi en inglés, y disculpen las faltas de redaccion y ortografía, creo que necesito dormir.....
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